If you ever want to experience a heat-induced hallucination, by all means, hike this trail when the sun is at its highest point in the middle of August. The Zuma Canyon Loop (of Hell) is a 10.7-mile loop in Malibu that takes you up and down mountains (three times!) with would-be stream and waterfall crossings (would-be because everything was completely bone dry). The elevation gain was significant and seemingly constant. The entire trail was covered in dry, very very scratchy brush. I wore shorts on this trail which was a huge mistake. Please do me a favor and wear pants! Getting constantly scratched on my legs by big buggy sticks for 10.7 miles is really not my idea of a good time. I also didn’t pre-hydrate or eat enough before I set off and boy did I really feel the consequences. A slight headache set in after a steep 3-mile incline so I immediately downed my electrolytes and chugged along.
The thing about this hike is that it’s really incredibly beautiful in the spring when the hills are covered in multicolored wildflowers and the streams are fresh and active. The weather is also undeniably more comfortable. But my fatal flaw has always been my impatience, and I may have just ruined one of my favorite spots by embarking on this trek at precisely the wrong time. I am sure I also would have been better off if I took advantage of the little bits of shade that dotted the trail every mile or so and just allowed myself to rest for a few minutes. Instead of doing the smart thing, I tried to go as fast as I could without stopping for many miles at a time, desperately wishing for shade when I completely wore myself out. I didn’t listen to my body!
On another note, the aridity really scares me. Fire season has started in California and though this entire area was ravaged by the Woolsey Fire in 2018, there is definitely not a shortage of fuel. Every plant was crispy dry and the brush was taller than me at many points. I kept trying to search for the beauty in the dry landscape, but only found a deep sense of panic. That may have contributed to the complete unpleasantness of the experience. I am already grieving the land that has not yet burned.