It is very unsurprising that nearly a week before Valentines Day I feel the need to talk about Love, and particularly, Falling In Love.
I remember very clearly the times I told people I loved them, and even more clearly when I told them I was in love with them. I have always been the first one to say it, and each time was met with embarrassment from unreciprocated feelings, and once, a horrific breakup. To love and admit to it is a powerful thing, and it has always been a painfully vulnerable moment for me. Never have I had a positive first “I love you” experience, and yet I still keep going. I persist!
Even worse, by the time I muster up the courage to tell someone I love them, I am usually deeply in love. But oh! would it be a disaster if I were to jump into that kind of verbiage before the very tame “I love you” — it’s a completely different message. I love many people, but I am often only in love with one person at a time. It’s both an enormous compliment and an unbearable responsibility, but unfortunately the latter always reigns for these lucky men. They think I’m nutzo for feeling the most beautiful emotion one can experience, and especially for telling them about it. My conclusion is that most people are afraid of beautiful things!
I am sure too that there are millions of people in the world right now who wish to confess their undying love for another, yet have also had similarly unpleasant experiences doing so in the past. Or maybe they’ve never been so vulnerable with another person and they’re afraid of the possible rejection. I can’t say it gets better. But it is always a better idea to put your thoughts and feelings about the people you love out into the world rather than bottle them up inside. Cheesy, yes. Factual? Also yes.
l’Opéra, Paris.
I wrote a poem along these lines when I was a bit younger.
Love.
It’s when he traces the palms of your hands,
And you feel the electricity,
Skin on skin.
It’s when your minds are so connected,
That one look can be
An entire conversation.
It’s when you feel like
You’re just
The luckiest two people in the world.
It’s when you can sit in traffic
For nine hours
Without killing each other.
It’s when you say
“I love you”
And you both start crying,
Because love doesn’t mean it always works out.
And that is my Wednesday bit on love. There is certainly more to come.